In your post you said, "Those who choose marriage will think that having a happy, lasting marriage is the most important example to show children, therefore having a successful marriage is the way to be a good parent."
I agree that its important to teach children by example what a happy, lasting marriage looks like, but that isn't the reason I believe that having a successful marriage is the way to be a good parent. I want my kids to feel sure of the stability of our family, of my love for my husband and his love for me, of our faith that is at the center of everything. Unhealthy marriages create such a vast and complicated array of problems for children that the importance of a healthy marriage cannot be overestimated.
While I don't think it impossible to be a good parent if you're not married, I do very much think that the stronger the relationship between parents, the better off the entire family is. I think its an incredibly unfortunate mistake that so many people "put the kids first" by not valuing marriage as much as they value being a parent. I think of it like this…as a parent you have to constantly give of yourself to take care of and nurture your child. Its often thankless (especially with babies and I would guess teenagers), it isolates you from your other peers (especially as a younger mom when you don't have any friends who truly understand what you're going through), you have to balance the endless demands of home and work and family and bills with all of the doubts and second-guessing that we all do as parents, and do it alone…if you're going through all of that in a bad relationship or no relationship, your mental health is not going to be functioning at 100%. It stands to reason then that the patience, kindness, love and simple presence you're able to give to your children would suffer. When you're in a loving and stable relationship with your child's other parent, you have a partner to encourage you, to connect and reflect with, to help you make decisions and share responsibility, to simply laugh with and enjoy watching your children grow and learn. You have to be in a good place yourself to be able to take the best care of your kids.
The importance of marriage cannot be looked at as a separate thing from the importance of being a good parent. The two are inextricably linked.
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