http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/lifestyle/article/2000096335/crazy-monday-women-men-only-date-in-darkness
Secret love: Women men only date in darkness
Updated Sunday, October 27th 2013 at 20:03 GMT +3BY MKALA MWAGHESHA
Poor women… some drift into relationships dreaming of love and marriage, but in actual sense they are nothing but play things that their men would never be caught dead with in public.
"I dated this man for nearly four years, but he never ever introduced me to any of his relatives, leave alone friends or even acquaintances," Rose Makhapila says.
"The only time I accidentally bumped into him with his colleagues in town, he mumbled my name — in passing — and never introduced me. For all that time we dated, he never wanted me to be his friend on social media. The Facebook friend request I sent him remained pending for years. And we never took a photo together," she adds.
Rose explains that she did not mind since both were dating different people, but she just expected a little recognition since most of her friends knew him.
Apart from making themselves unavailable during the day, such men lead girlfriends home through untraceable long-winded 'shortcuts' at night to ensure that the women can't find their way and ambush them with impromptu visits during the day. In most cases, when such women are invited for sleepovers, they are released very early in the morning lest neighbours see them.
Surprisingly, even in big towns and cities where chances of bumping into people who know them are very low, such men still never want to be seen with the women they cavort with under the cover of darkness.
Rendezvous
It begs the question, why are men willing to sleep with women they are not proud of in public? Others are known to use their friends' residences and even book lodgings for such rendezvous. Interestingly, in such occasions, the woman is only given directions to the said location.
And again, they are never seen off; men can't stand the embarrassment of being seen with them, lest they water down their 'social class' in the eyes of friends who have placed them on high pedestals and hold them in high esteem.
"I run a lodge and the things that happen here amaze me," said Sophie, a receptionist in a dingy lodging along Accra Road, Nairobi.
"Rarely will people come in together. It is always the man who comes first, books and proceeds to lock himself in. The woman always arrives much later.
Once they are through, the woman in most cases leaves the man behind, who takes a couple of minutes before he comes out sheepishly. Of course such women are never girlfriends or wives," she notes.
In campuses, it's not any different. A story is told of Mwaniki, who on cold Friday evenings is always seen tiptoeing to a certain female student, only known as Annabel. Once in a while, Annabel also ambles over to his room. But unknown to her, Mwaniki dreads the visits and can't even bring himself to spend the whole night with her. It's touch and go.
"She is the only chick always available to me whenever I am undergoing 'a dry spell' — what we call 'starving'," the third year student at a public university in Nairobi claims.
Embarrassment
He makes sure very few people see Annabel coming to his room, as she doesn't fit in the profile of what he would consider a 'decent girlfriend, a friend-with-benefits'.
"She is neither pretty nor presentable. She is 'just there'," a remorseful Mwaniki explains with a chuckle.
Every time they are 'playing the big game', Mwaniki alleges that he covers her face with a pillow pretending to be shy and in the process fantasises about hot female celebrities such as Nicki Minaj or Toni Braxton. Better still, stares at pretty celebrity pin-ups on his wall or turns the lights off all together, without Annabel being any wiser.
"To most of us men, when it comes to bedroom matters, a woman is just a woman. Any can suffice. But when it comes to a woman you want to be seen with in public, standards have to prevail; there are those you just don't want to be associated with publicly. Especially if they have been all over the place with every Tom Dick and Harry," says Marcus, a land agent.
Marcus further claims that for men any woman can do; they don't discriminate. But when it comes to public, image is everything, he says with a laugh.
"Embarrassment my friend," said Francis Kamangu, a reggae deejay who is married, when asked why men don't mind having secret affairs with women they can't be seen with in public. "It is for the same reason you shower naked privately, but cannot walk naked in public."
Kamangu explained that since it's impossible to get everything a man wants in one woman, he asserts that wives are good for making babies and keeping homes. But there is a vital aspect that, for instance prostitutes and not-so-beautiful women provide men, which most wives can't. He is, however, quick to quip that much as men would never be seen with such women in public, they enjoy their services.
"It's not easy being a man. You have to be smart to enjoy the best of both worlds undetected," jokes the DJ. Mid this year, a second year female student at a private university outside Nairobi caused a scene after a 'gentleman' she thought liked her gave her a cold shoulder when she attempted to hug him in the presence of his boys. The young man was visibly embarrassed and pretended not to know her, though he had spent many nights at her house.
"So, that is why you only come to my house in the middle of the night and leave early?" she asked. "You never pick my calls unless you want something. Now let's see who will be calling at midnight," the angry woman hissed.
Men this writer talked to pointed out that in most men, only one instinct seems to override the rest whenever a woman is involved; pleasure. The rest including romance and what-not are secondary. In addition, Men, being creatures always in pursuit of recognition, respect and adoration, are always conscious of what constitutes their character and surroundings. Thus, when a man has a woman willing to quench his thirst, everything else including her face or social standing becomes unnecessary, so long as privacy is guaranteed.
Satisfaction
"Most of our faculties stop functioning and we care less about where we get satisfaction," said Omar Bawazir. "But the moment it is over, we are like 'was I out of my mind to invite her here?' Interestingly, most women who are not so easy on the eye are gifted mightily elsewhere. Unfortunately, we can't marry them for fear of social stigma they come with."
"For status, we want to be seen dating or married to good looking women but when it comes to bedroom matters, we know where to find it," added Bawazir.
He concludes that such women are less demanding, stress-free and appreciate men a lot more than the so-called beauties do. Ironically, he adds that, 'regular women' make lovely wives and mothers and excellent escorts at family functions. But when it comes to the sack, they would never beat the women a man would never be seen with in public.
If he only sees you in the dark and wants you out of his house at dawn and never escorts you beyond the front door, now you know.
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